


Would you?

by gmw



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hux has a breakdown, M/M, and nightmares, he's kinda a wreck tbh, kylo comforts hux, kylo has a realisation, post-TFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmw/pseuds/gmw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux and Kylo finally have a chance to slow down after the destruction of Starkiller Base, to struggle back upon their feet. Hux panics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you?

There’s been time.  
Since the… Starkiller Incident. Not a lot, but enough for everyone to take a break for themselves, unfortunately for the General.

The realisation of what happened sinks in and it chills Hux down to his bone. Kylo killed his own father. He didn’t want to, but he did.  
If Kylo could kill his own father, even with a deep sense of regret... What could he do to Hux?  
At any moment, Ren had the strength to end Hux, everything he’s worked for, everything he still has left to achieve, gone. Hux knows this. He always had, but knowing that Ren had actually carried out such an action scared Hux more than he would ever say.

Admittedly, if he was to be killed by anyone, he would be content if it was Ren, but Hux doesn’t want to be killed.

The panic slowly becomes enough to prevent the General from sleeping at night, instead resorting to tracing his calloused fingers across Ren’s sleeping body, following the path of his new scars and laying gentle kisses upon them. As much as he hated to admit it, Hux _loved_ Kylo. Luckily for him, Kylo whole-heartedly loved him too. But that doesn’t stop the nagging thought of ‘What if?’

Snoke could order Kylo to kill Hux any day. Kylo might finally lose it and kill him. Kylo may never have loved hi-

He stopped.  
He didn’t even want to entertain that last idea.  
He couldn’t.

Hux continued his nightly routine of worrying for his life while holding Kylo even closer. Eventually, he would fall asleep - that wasn’t a good thing.

 

_Hux could see his bloodied face reflected in the glaze of Kylo’s eyes. He was being suspended by a grasp, emotionlessly tight around his neck but not enough to choke him, no. Kylo wanted to do this himself. Kylo snapped to look directly at Hux, allowing Hux a small glance at the uncertainty in his dark eyes trying to overpower the determination, but ultimately fail. This was it. This was the end._

_"K-Kylo” Hux splutters out._

_The fury fades from Ren’s eyes for a second, to entertain the General’s pleading._

_“Kylo… I-“ Hux sighed. This was the first time he was ever going to say this. It was to be the last thing he ever said, ironically._ _“…I love you”_

 _Kylo contemplated this for a second, he wanted to say it back. He couldn’t. He simply replied “I know” before he tore through Hux’s heart,_ his heart _, with flickering loops of burning red plasma._

_“…I know” Kylo mumbled again._

_  
_

Ren was woken rather abruptly by Hux screaming his name in pained desperation. Sitting up violently, Kylo reached for Hux only to find him dead asleep.  
Kylo groaned as his noticed Hux’s erratic spasms and a layer of sweat glistening against his pale skin. Hux was paralysed, he couldn’t escape from whatever hell he was in, and he was trapped to be killed by the only person he ever loved, over and over.

Kylo placed his hands on Hux’s shaking shoulders and attempted to jar him awake, to no avail.

“Hux... Hux, wake up. It isn’t real. … HUX”

Hux was in such a deep state of sleep that neither could wake him. Kylo sighed “Shit, okay uh-“

Hux’s thoughts were screaming, gnawing on the back of Kylo’s skull, relentlessly loud and panicked, a strange change from the silent man laying next to him. Kylo ran his fingers across Hux’s cheeks, giving him something to mentally hold on to. Ren didn’t like intruding in his head, but this was necessary. “Hux, wake up. You’re asleep, it’s okay. Hux, I’m here.”  
Kylo kept repeating the phrase for what seemed like hours, finding shelter in Hux’s mind regardless of the circumstances. Unfortunately, spending that much time wandering the General’s mind allowed him to see the exact thoughts plaguing him.

Kylo saw himself kill Hux.  
He saw how terrified he was.  
How terrified he _is_.  
He saw that no matter the overwhelming love Hux has for Kylo, he can’t shake his paranoia.

 

Kylo Ren saw the monster he was.

 

Diverting his thoughts back to awakening Hux, Kylo began repeating the phrase louder and louder until Hux awoke with a start, convulsing into a seated position, panting and watching the sweat drip in front of his eyes.  
Kylo wanted to reach out to Hux.  
He didn’t.  
How could he? He was the one causing the General such intense distress and fear. He sat there, staring at Hux, absent-mindlessly tangling his fingers around the small fold of bedsheet he’d gathered. Hux was still panting, still sweating, the room spinning around him slightly. Kylo broke the tension.

“I’m sorry.”

Hux takes a second to process the voice and turns to face Kylo, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings again.

“I saw it. I’m sorry, Hux. I-“ Kylo wanted to let every thought he had spill out, how he would never hurt Hux unless he wanted it, how he would never leave Hux let alone kill him. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. The words didn’t form. He simply continued gazing at Hux, of whom was still shaking and sweating, Kylo’s doe eyes glistening under the low blue hue of his quarters. Hux looked down at his hands.

“Would you?”

Kylo paused. He didn’t need the rest of the sentence. “No.”

Hux swallowed, attempting to moisten his hoarse throat. He prepared himself for an answer he already knew. “How can you be sure?”

Kylo sighed “…I can’t.”

Hux turned his head even further away and slowly began curling into himself.  
This time, Kylo’s words did form.

“I’d be a fool to say I was sure, I never could be, Hux, you know that. We both do. I have orders, they could change... But that doesn’t mean I’d follow them.” His tone slowly became despairing “You are the only piece of certainty I’ve ever had in my fucking life. I’d be damned to let it go. To let you go.” Hux turned his head to see Kylo; he saw him trying to plot out each word. Ren was never overly eloquent when speaking from the heart, but he was trying. He looked up to meet Hux’s eyes, pleading with a promise. “I’d die by your side, Hux. With you, not against you. That’s the only way I’m letting you go.”

Hux considered Kylo’s words for a second before slowly moving to lower his head against Ren’s chest.

“Thank you.” he mumbled.

Kylo reached his arms out to pull the General closer to him, placing his head upon the damp ginger locks in front of him.

“You should probably go to the ‘fresher, General. You’re covered in sweat. It’s disgusting.”

“Fuck off, Ren.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it. if you did feel free to drop me a message at my [tumblr](http://g-m-w.tumblr.com) (´▽`)


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